Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
