i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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