Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
