you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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