I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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