How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
