I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
