I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
My hand turned me down
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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