So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
