Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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