Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Randomize
