i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
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