And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
