What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Randomize
