my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
