dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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