This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Randomize
