The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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