Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
