Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
