She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
