Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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