do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
