even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
That accounts for only three of the penises
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
