You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
