last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I will pee on everything he values.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
