Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
