She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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