Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
