remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
