Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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