You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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