nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
He's on the porch naked. Help.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
