I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
