Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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