hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
