I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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