I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
