Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
