I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
