I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
