I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
