I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Randomize
