Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
