I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
