Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
