he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
