i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
