we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
