so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
