So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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