So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
