Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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