Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I got inside last night via doggy door
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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