i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
